You are part of the problem

The following is a fictional e-mail exchange between two colleagues working for ACME, a large multinational corporation. P is the proud owner of a corn stove. He constantly annoys his colleagues with stories of the warmth and coziness of his home, all allegedly due to the virtues of his renewable-energy-burning corn stove, all at a fraction of the cost and carbon footprint of natural gas, LPG or oil. I is an environmentally concerned person who has his doubts about the viability of King Corn as an inexhaustible source of clean, carbon-neutral energy. I has been trying to convince P for some time to use his critical faculties when considering corn as an energy source. Finally I has found what he thinks may convince P of the error of his ways: an article in The Economist.

From: I
Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 2:52 PM
To: P
Subject: You are part of the problem

http://www.economist.com/world/international/displaystory.cfm?story_id=14205727&fsrc=rss

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From: P
Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 2:55 PM
To: I
Subject: RE: You are part of the problem

Carbon neutral living…….you should try it sometime. I can’t wait to get a second corn burner on the main floor of our house….

No lectures until you country gets a government.

[I is from a small, insignificant country in Europe that was, for some time, stuck in a governmental crisis but nevertheless managed to maintain a carbon footprint (per capita) smaller than that of the large and hegemonic nation of which P is a proud citizen]

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From: I
Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 2:58 PM
To: P
Subject: RE: You are part of the problem

It may smell good when you burn it, but I still smell a rat. You are in denial, just like the RFA (Renewable Fuel Association). If you are serious you need to get these solar panels and wind mills and you should put those dogs on a treadmill so they can work for their food.

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From: P
Sent: Mon 8/10/2009 3:01 PM
To: I
Subject: RE: You are part of the problem

I am not burning rats, I am burning corn. Good clean renewable corn from Minnesota. You keep working hard and someday you too may have a corn burner. But until that days arrives, keep sending your money to the evil doers in the middle east who own all of the oil.

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From: I
Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 3:01 PM
To: P
Subject: RE: You are part of the problem

[The thought of dogs gives I an idea] We should try to figure out how to pelletize dog-do. Then we’d be celebrated as men who can make money out of shit.

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From: P
Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 3:05 PM
To: I
Subject: RE: You are part of the problem

Actually, that is no a bad idea, now that I think of it. I will bring you a bag of it tomorrow and you can play around with it and roll it up into little balls and dry them out in your oven. Then we can light a match and see if they burn.

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From: I
Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 3:11 PM
To: P
Subject: RE: You are part of the problem

How about we meet at the microwave ovens in the cafeteria and start our project there. If we are not using your oven or my oven we are already half-way carbon-neutral. Plus, if we are doing this on company time we might get the ACME Innovation Award. And no more pesky lines in front of the microwave ovens! This is win-win-win!

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From: P
Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 3:13 PM
To: I
Subject: RE: You are part of the problem

I might have some on the bottom of my shoe we could start with……………I will send it to you via intra-office mail and mark it Urgent Delivery

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From: I
Sent: Monday, August 10, 2009 3:14 PM
To: P
Subject: RE: You are part of the problem

Somehow I scent or rather sense that you are not altogether serious about lowering your carbon foot-print. Otherwise you would scrape it from both of your shoes.